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Archive for the ‘At home’ Category

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My Neighbourhood

In At home on January 8, 2008 at 8:02 pm

I love my neighbourhood.  I’ve been living there for just over 4 months and have enjoyed every minute of it.

My building is not too big, maybe 25 suites in all, so there aren’t so many tenants.  It’s like every other big city though, none of us know each other, so what I do know about them comes from seeing them at their windows or hearing them through the walls.

The people across the hall have sing-along sessions every week and from what I can hear, they actually know how to play the guitar.  Sounds kind of folky and sounds kind of nice.  The guy to the right of my apartment, I have no idea what he does for a job, but whatever it is he needs to unload on Friday nights which means he opens all his windows and cranks Diamond Dave Van Halen til about midnight.  During the day on Saturdays he’s usually playing other 80’s rock classics so I’ve become reacquainted with Europe and some AC/DC I’d completely forgotten about.  The girl above my apartment, let’s just say she yelps like a dog when she’s ‘excited’ and she gets excited A LOT.  Usually at 3 in the morning, but also at 7, 8, and 10:30 in the evenings.  Sometimes it’s 6:30 on Saturday mornings or 2 o’clock Sunday afternoons.  I’ve never seen her, I assume she sleeps a lot as she must be tired from all the activity.

My building is on the corner of a busy intersection and my apartment is the corner suite so I get to hear everything going on outside.  Every night around 12:30 some guy walks by under my bedroom window playing a harmonica.  I hear lots of animated conversations but can’t understand most of them as they are usually in Japanese, Korean, Portuguese and Spanish.  It makes for pleasant white noise when I’m kicking around, but I’m always surprised when I finally do understand something being spoken in English.  The street also seems to be the strip for drunken party-goers and a lot of them like to talk loudly and laugh about their exploits.  One early morning three girls were laughing and yelling about how funny they were.  Next thing they were all puking just under my window and chanting, “We’re funny but we’re not pretty, ha ha ha ha.”  I hope they got home alright.

The best burger joint in the world is two blocks away, serving bison, muskox, and ostrich burgers.  When you order their fries, you will be constantly reminded that they are hand-cut.  “Here are your hand-cut fries.”  “How are you hand-cut fries?”  “Would you like some more hand-cut fries?”  I finally asked if slave labour was cutting the fries by hand in the kitchen.  Whoosh, over her head.  “No, the fries are put through a hand-operated machine by one of our employees.”

Rumour is that the Hell’s Angels operate the super expensive Super-Valu three blocks away.  I prefer to do my shopping at the little hole-in-the-wall grocery store where everything is way cheaper.  From the outside it looks like a fruit and vegetable stand, but when you get inside it stretches way to the back and is packed with tons of shelves lining tiny aisles that you almost have to walk through sideways.  At Christmas all the employees wore Santa hats and threw a store 30th anniversary party, clearing out the bread aisle to make room for a dance floor.

The angriest people in the world work at the video store around the corner and I’d say they go out of their way to be miserable except it appears to be in their nature to be permanently unhappy.  They should be happy, they all have excellent hair.

I’ve got a crush on the guy who used to work the nightshift at the corner convenience store.  It made getting my morning coffees worth getting up for as my current job doesn’t inspire me to do so.  He hasn’t been there in the mornings for weeks now, I wonder where he’s gone.


Public Pool: Part 1

In At home on January 8, 2008 at 6:53 am

I’m back at the pool in attempts to get back in shape for some races in the spring/summer.  I haven’t done any swimming in more than two years and I feel the weakness in every muscle on my upper body.  But at least I’m back at it and one of the benefits is hanging out in the hottub after a swim and stretching out where it’s nice and warm.

The other day my goggles jammed out halfway through my swim so I had to toss them, the result being bloodshot eyes and almost zero vision since I wasn’t wearing my contacts.

As I jumped into the hottub, I stumbled over a lady sitting on her own.  Despite being almost blind I noticed two things about her:
1.  she was wearing bright red shiny lipgloss
2.  she was wearing a wetsuit

I think to myself, “weird”.  Why would you wear a wetsuit into the hottub?  As I found my seat I glanced her way again and realized this time that she was not wearing a wetsuit.  She was, in fact, wearing a red, pink, and black striped turtleneck sweater.  Now I know a lot of women have image issues so it’s not unusual to see females wearing all sorts of baggy things in a pool, but I’ve never seen a sweater before.  And this is a very hot hottub.  I find myself wondering if she’s wearing shorts or track pants or perhaps a swimming suit down below.  A few minutes later she stepped out of the hottub wearing… a black skirt and NYLONS.  She then proceeded to take a shower in the rinse-off area, fully dressed, for about 5 minutes, carrying on a conversation with someone else.  Then she left at which point I bolted from the room to follow her into the changeroom to see what came next… and she wasn’t there!  Where did she go???

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One Hatchet, Two Fingers

In At home on September 22, 2007 at 5:09 am

This story is directly taken word for word from the Prince George Citizen:

Nellie Lefebrve, left and her daughter Corinna show the hatchet that injured their fingers while cutting kindling. (Citizen photo by David Mah)

Mom, daughter injured in separate mishaps
(Top Stories) Friday, 21 September 2007, 04:00 PST
BERNICE TRICK Citizen staff

A Prince George mother and daughter, who were determined to drive the autumn chill from the house, both ended up chopping their fingers with the same hatchet Tuesday.

“A silly thing happened at my house,” Nellie Lefebvre said.

“When I was out in the garage chopping kindling to light the fire in my insert, I missed, and I cut my left index finger badly.  I drove myself to the hospital.  It bled a lot like a gusher.  They couldn’t stitch it because of nerve damage, but they glued and bandaged it.

When Nellie was at work the same afternoon, she received a call from her adult daughter, Corinna, who lives with her.

“Mom, I went out to cut some kindling to start the fire so you wouldn’t have to, and I missed and chopped my finger,” the 32-year-old told her mother.

A neighbour drove Corinna to Prince George Regional Hospital to deal with her right index finger that was also gushing blood.

“Darn those hatchets anyhow,”  said the medical person caring for a second family member in one day.

Nellie said now she and Corinna are trying to decide whether to frame the hatchet or throw it away.

“I wonder what the odds are of two family members –one left-handed and one right-handed– cutting index fingers with the same hatchet on the same day,”  said Nellie.


Free Stuff

In At home on September 10, 2007 at 4:09 am

So there’s this thing about getting free stuff off Craigslist or other places in general.  For example, the free TV stand I got from the “nice” lady?  She told me when I got it that it was missing ‘a screw.’  ‘A screw’ in her mind meant all the hardware, instructions, and legs.  Who steals legs from a TV stand?  It’s now in the dumpster and I reclaimed my old TV stand from my brother, so basically I still ended up with a free item.

The free 27″ screen TV I got in the back alley?  It decides when it turns itself off, which seems to be after about 1 1/2 hours when it overheats.  The weird thing is it stayed on for all of “Children of Men”, a movie so boring and flat that I wouldn’t have minded if the TV had shut down in the middle of it.  Why did people say that movie was so good?  Did they watch it?  They’re probably the same ones who also thought “Babel” was amazing.  What a tedious, stereotyping, redundant flick.  It felt like the whole movie was an excuse to exercise the director’s dream of slapping a full-frontal nude Japanese girl up on screen.  It still doesn’t make sense to me how she fit in, and no, it’s not because I’m cinematically challenged.

Whatever.  The point of this entry is to talk about free stuff.  And I must say that I am relieved to be released from the bond of Craigslist.  I am happily moved into my apartment and have no further need of other people’s stuff.

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$1500 Challenge

In At home on September 5, 2007 at 5:30 am

Where have I been these past few weeks?  Getting ready to move into my new apartment.  Yes, it takes that long since I set myself a goal with the intent of saving money but also proving you don’t have to spend a lot to get something that looks decent.

When I moved away from Toronto last summer, I sold all the furniture I had and almost everything in the kitchen.  I thought I’d be overseas for much longer than I was so it seemed like the smart thing to do.  Now I’m home and have to start all over again.  So I set myself a limit of $1500 to get the whole apartment furnished and decked out to look like a professional something lives there and not a student, no futons to be seen.

Living room, unfurnished, unfinished as yet.

Bedroom, unfurnished, unfinished as yet.

In case you’re wondering how this is possible, here are a few ways I saved money:
1.  accepted gifts from family, like bed and dvd player
2.  designed my own furniture and got my dad to build it (which he loves doing, btw)
3.  trolling Craigslist for cheap and free stuff.  Two big finds: a 27″ tv with amazing colour and picture that I got out of a back alley, I also scored a free tv stand from some lovely woman who said it was easier to give stuff away than to sell it

4.  found a free chest of drawers someone tossed on the front lawn for removal
5.  I’m having a shower instead of a birthday party this weekend.  People seem to like that I’ve ‘registered’ at Superstore.  I’ll try anything PC except the beer.

Free chest of drawers found on a front lawn. Must be made beautiful.

Hints:
1.  If you design a coffee table, don’t do something with glass – it jacks the price up considerably no matter how cheap you try to go
2.  Stain sucks.  Go with paint and avoid the headache from fumes and frustration

Of course this is not easy and I’ve almost killed myself with all the projects I took on to meet my goal, but it’s looking good and at this point I’ve got $30 in change leading up to Saturday’s big paint/move.  I have to break the budget since I’m painting the whole place but I will not go over by more than $200, my conservative estimate.

I’m tired and just want to be done all of this, and I’m really hoping it was all worth it.

Happy Shower to meeeee

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Meaningful Lyrics

In At home on July 17, 2007 at 4:42 am

I’m watching Much Less Music right now and a retrospective on that popular mega band of the 80’s, Def Leppard.  I can’t count how many of their songs are written without the benefit of an editor or speaker of common sense English, and I am stumped at the meaning of ‘Armageddon It’.  I think it means ‘Giv ‘er’ or ‘Punch me in the face’.

But their brilliance doesn’t stop there, check out these lyrics and guess the title of this song:

Make love/like a man/I’m a man/That’s what I am
You want it/I’m the one/I got it/I’m Mr. Fun
You need it/I’m Captain Cool

Mmmmmm, sign me up for that dating service, please.


Verbing

In At home on July 13, 2007 at 4:25 pm

I am distressed by the number of new verbs that are appearing in the English language.  The most offensive to date would have to be “scrapbooking.”  Consider this dialogue:

A:  Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight and then catch a movie?
B:  I’d love to, but I’ve already got plans.
A:  Oh yeah, what you up to?
B:  I’m scrapbooking.
A:  Hmmm.  What’s that?
B:  You know, scrapbooking!!  Putting photos and my own unique drawings in a scrapbook.

Du-umb.  Why don’t we just call it ‘artsing and craftsing’?  Equally stupid but I haven’t heard anyone saying that just yet.

And I’m busy this weekend in case anyone calls.  I’ll be cerealing, then later on I’ll be pantsing, and then by the end of the day I’ll be pyjamaing.

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No SUVs Please

In At home on July 5, 2007 at 5:18 am

After last week’s attempt to blow up the airport in Glasgow, I wonder what extreme measures airports in The West will take to avoid such further attempts.  I’ll bet they ban people arriving at the airport in SUVs because those SUVs might be loaded with explosives.  If terrorists did that before, they are probably uninventive and bored enough to try doing the same thing again.

I loved the shoe bomber guy from a couple years back.  He tried lighting his shoes up to take the plane down, so it follows that we all have to remove our shoes at the airport now because hey, we saw him try it, why don’t we give it a shot?

When I was flying back to Vancouver from Toronto a few weeks ago, the screener guy tried to take my bottle of suntan lotion out of my carry-on because the bottle could hold more than 100ml.  I asked him to shake it around and tell me if more than 100ml was actually in there because I had been using it.  He let me take it on the plane.

Contrast this with airport security in Damascus and Abu Dhabi where it took less than 10 seconds to clear the gates.  No dusting of my laptop, no removal of shoes, belt, underwire bra.  In Damascus the security guy did remove the batteries from my camera and put them in a separate part of my purse than the camera LIKE I’M NOT GOING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO REUNITE THEM.  And as I was passing the screener guy in Abu Dhabi, I did notice that he was actively picking his nose and looking everywhere but the x-ray screen.  OK, I’m cool with that, he’s probably been doing this for awhile and has an idea of what he’s about.  And it is pretty funny watching a guy pick his nose with that much vigour in public.  Then vigilante passenger dude passes through security and sees what I see except he gets his knickers all in a knot.  He takes it upon himself to stand in the middle of a very busy and crowded gate to make loud ‘guffaws’ and ‘what the?????s’ before calling over a security guard to complain and criticize the apparent lack of concern Abu Dhabi has for our personal safety.  I felt like knocking him on the head and telling him that 200 people might watch him raise a ruckus, freak out and start a bigger one.  And it takes forever to clear security in Heathrow, a royal pain in the ass, so why not thank your lucky stars that finally you don’t have to strip, open all your carry-on junk just to repack it, eat your deodorant sticks and drink your contact solution?

And guess what???  None of these planes fell out of the sky!!!!!!!!!

All this is to say that people in the west are learning how to live in a perpetually paranoid state about airline travel and personal safety.  I do not claim to know anything at all about how airport security is handled from country to country, but it looks like in the past few years any new security measures appear to be largely reactionary instead of prevention-ary (is that even a word?)  That is why I recommend no more SUVs within 1000m of an airport.

P.S.  Why didn’t they think of backing a Pinto up into the airport at full speed instead?

P.S.2 And what’s up with plastic knives and metal forks?  I can’t hurt you by repeatedly poking you in the eye with my metal fork??

Noticing Things

In At home on June 19, 2007 at 9:05 pm

I’m always curious as to how I’ll view my country/people when I get back after an extended absence.  Maybe this last absence wasn’t so long, nothing’s really changed, people look and act the same.  The one thing I do see now though is how many women are bursting out of their shirts.  I was sitting on Bloor and Yonge the other day, having my hotdog and people watching.  Couldn’t keep count of all the boobs I was seeing in almost all their splendor.  This was around 4:30pm, end of the workday.  I don’t think I’m a prude but come on, is that what you wear to work?  I’m assuming many of the women I saw are quite intelligent and could easily trade on their brains yet they insist in cashing in on their boobies.

It reminds me of an episode in “Cheers” when a bunch of guys showed up in Boston from their country where women walked around virtually naked.  They were so excited to meet Rebecca because she wore clothes.  Extreme, yes, but sometimes I think there must be some guys out there who wouldn’t mind seeing a turtleneck occasionally.

Is It Safe Yet?

In At home, Middle East, Syria on June 17, 2007 at 9:19 am

The biggest problem with living in Syria was that I was muzzled from commenting on anything political, muzzled because I wanted to stay and check it out without getting kicked out.  But now that I’m out of the country I’ve finally got my tongue back.

Last month the country had an election, or rather, a referendum.  About 4 weeks earlier there was a first election where civic officials, ministers, and the current president were voted in for another 7 year term.  So the referendum was something like this:  Do you want the president to stay president for the next 7 years?  Answer: Yes or No

The week before the referendum all these tents appeared around the city and every night there was a party.  Free t-shirts, coffee, marches, banners, dancing, lots of music pumped out of crappy speakers, road jams everywhere.  One song went something to the effect of, ‘Save our president and Nasrallah, too.’  Then the election/referendum.  The vote was almost unanimous, 97.4% said yes. N ow I heard that seven years ago the vote was 99%, so where did those 1.6% yessers go?  Everyone who voted got a free candy.  You also had the option of voting in blood.

To celebrate the “victory” there was another week of partying following the referendum.  The same crazy gigs going on around the city, songs, dancing, etc.  I got stopped by the police at one of the marches because I was writing ‘something’.  They tried to read my writing – English speakers can’t even read it so how could these guys?  I was allowed to go and so I did because the march was boring.  But it is fun seeing fireworks every night, fired off by two-year olds unattended by their parents.

There are lots of billboards with pictures of different people and English slogans, things like, “I believe in equality”, “I believe in freedom”, “I believe in children”.  Then a picture of the president beside all of them, “I believe in Syria.”  I think his phrase should be prefaced with, “Yeah? Well fuck you! I believe in Syria!”  Having said that, I do think he is a decent guy and even though his hands are severely tied by his cabinet, the country could do much, much worse.

I think our Prime Minister could use this P.R. engine, it’s simply amazing at how much support you can get for the only contender.